Listening or waiting to speak?

A lot of people do not actually listen to what you have to say, they’re just waiting for you to finish so that they can start talking again. Most of the time, they have no intention to react to what you said. They’ll come up with something similar that happened to them. They don’t care about your story and will try to overplay you with their story.

But this is not how a conversation works, if you don’t want to hear what others have to say and only care about yourself, do not start a conversation. It’s really exhausting and frustrating for the other person as they will notice that what they say is of no worth for you and is not taken into account and will just let you speak, hoping that they can flee the conversation as soon as possible. Moreover they’ll probably start to avoid you.

It might take some time, but eventually everyone’s gonna know that talking to you is not something to look forward to and they won’t try to start a conversation. That will be the moment you’ll have to change your point of view about how a conversation works. I had a friend that wouldn’t let me give the chance to react, let alone tell something of my own. Once I realized that she wasn’t interested in what I had to say I swore myself that I wouldn’t spend time with her alone anymore.

I think that the most important thing to keep up a conversation is not having an interesting story on your mind. The most important thing is to listen what the other person has to say and react to it. It’s also the most difficult part of keeping a conversation alive, since we all think our stories are really interesting and everyone wants to hear them.

It might sound really paradoxical because I just said that I didn’t like talking to that friend because she wouldn’t stop speaking, yet I say it is more important to listen than to speak; but there’s a difference between carrying on a conversation and holding a monologue. If I wanted to listen to someone for hours without being able to speak, I’d go and listen to a politician.

A conversation is not a monologue.

Invent yourself,CK

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply – Stephen R. Covey

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