nicotine is out

In times of endless possibilities to keep in touch with others, we’ve become more anti-social than ever. We’re slowly becoming a society full of people who live in their phones , rather than using it as a tool. The roles are reversed, phones have started telling their owners what to do. They own people.

The various profiles we created to fake a perfect life, made us so aware of how we’re supposed to present ourselves, to show the best of us in every situation. We’re worried that people will notice that this is not who we are in real life. We’re no longer hiding behind false fronts, we have turned into them.

On the one hand, when we’re in public, we’re looking at our phones, pretending to be really busy, hoping no one looks at us or judges us. As soon as we look up, we see other people avoiding social contact in just the same way, for what?

On the other hand we’re seeking social contact, we’re looking for social interaction. That’s something you can’t find on a phone, yet we replace real, face to face communication with chats. We’re becoming robots, machines, addicted to our phones. While social networks are meant to communicate, we’re losing the ability to actually keep up a real conversation, simply because we’re no longer used to it. An online chat is not an alternative to a real conversation.

We’re bored of reality, we think that we can find real life on the internet and hope to find purpose on our phones, where all we really find are Donald Trump memes. How  do people not realize that phones are keeping them from living? How much more could we do if  we spent this time, looking down at phones, to improve our lives and change the world around us. We’re so keen to find out who we are, who we want to be, yet we waste our time because we’re afraid of real life and would rather be entertained. In my view, exchanging personal growth with entertainment is not too great of a deal.

You’re human, perfection is not an option, accept it. Don’t hide who you are. Put down your phone  and talk to the people you love.

Invent yourself,CK


The more social media we have, the more we think we’re connecting, yet we are really disconnecting from each other. – JR

Listening or waiting to speak?

A lot of people do not actually listen to what you have to say, they’re just waiting for you to finish so that they can start talking again. Most of the time, they have no intention to react to what you said. They’ll come up with something similar that happened to them. They don’t care about your story and will try to overplay you with their story.

But this is not how a conversation works, if you don’t want to hear what others have to say and only care about yourself, do not start a conversation. It’s really exhausting and frustrating for the other person as they will notice that what they say is of no worth for you and is not taken into account and will just let you speak, hoping that they can flee the conversation as soon as possible. Moreover they’ll probably start to avoid you.

It might take some time, but eventually everyone’s gonna know that talking to you is not something to look forward to and they won’t try to start a conversation. That will be the moment you’ll have to change your point of view about how a conversation works. I had a friend that wouldn’t let me give the chance to react, let alone tell something of my own. Once I realized that she wasn’t interested in what I had to say I swore myself that I wouldn’t spend time with her alone anymore.

I think that the most important thing to keep up a conversation is not having an interesting story on your mind. The most important thing is to listen what the other person has to say and react to it. It’s also the most difficult part of keeping a conversation alive, since we all think our stories are really interesting and everyone wants to hear them.

It might sound really paradoxical because I just said that I didn’t like talking to that friend because she wouldn’t stop speaking, yet I say it is more important to listen than to speak; but there’s a difference between carrying on a conversation and holding a monologue. If I wanted to listen to someone for hours without being able to speak, I’d go and listen to a politician.

A conversation is not a monologue.

Invent yourself,CK

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply – Stephen R. Covey