Neglected Qualities

 

Many people give up on goals, on diets, on careers, on ideas and ideals. Why? They don’t allow for instant results.

A big problem we have today is that many people do no longer feel the need to learn the trait of patience. Things have to be accessible at once. If they aren’t, they are forgotten about. Sadly, most things that are instantly accessible, are not worth it. Patience and consistency however are crucial for anyone to reach something of worth. But in today’s world, we’re no longer taught to fight for what we want. We want to be rewarded for everything we do, we don’t like to wait and would rather not have something at all than having it later. We seek instant gratification. We’re growing up with the feeling that we do not have enough time and anything that doesn’t show results right away, never will. Yet the many things that are worth achieving; those goals you would be proud to have reached demand steadiness and discipline. But these are qualities you have to master on your own, no one can and no one will do it for you.

Another problem is that we seem to have adapted a mentality that prevents us from being appreciative of what we have. Rather, we’re always looking out for more, for bigger, for better. We don’t allow ourselves to just be happy with what we have. It always has to be more. No doubt, this way of living can be a way of reaching more. A way of finding out how far you can go.

But it also rules out self-appreciation, gratitude and recognition. It rules out the possibility of having a good life. Because as I see it, there is no definition of a good life that suits everyone. It is whatever you want it to be. Yet there are people who think of themselves as worthy of defining what a good life is, thereby presenting a certain image of what it is supposed to be. People, who have yet to figure out what a good life is to them, who have yet to realize that they are the only ones who are worthy of assessing their lives, will follow this path, striving for a life they do not want. And eventually, they’ll realize just how much time they wasted going through life with their eyes closed to the things that genuinely matter to them.

You can obviously live your life trying to have more and be more. Or you stop and take a breath. Think about how much you have reached, how many bad days you’ve gone through, how many true friends you’ve found, how much love you’ve felt.

Being grateful is hard for many people, but as I see it, you either learn this trait or you go through life blinded by the sparkling world of the more, the bigger, the better  and never see how much you already have. And one day you will die and you’ll not look back to all the good you have had but wish for just one more day on earth.

 

CK

2019 We Shine Bright

Lesson nr 1

You’ll trip and fall and it’ll hurt like shit. And it’ll feel like you’ve fallen into the deepest of holes. It’ll feel like you’re dying. Except you’re not.

2019, give it your all, give it all you’ve got. Be kind to one another. Set goals. Have fun. Call people when you miss them. Spend time with those who matter. Find out who and what makes you happy- rely on these things. Remind yourself that nothing is worth losing your self-respect. Remind yourself that belief is all it takes.

2019, allow feelings, allow yourself to be down. You already know suppression is the wrong way. Don’t hide in darkness, talk to people. Let yourself be helped.

2019, don’t think of yourself too much and don’t take yourself too seriously, no one likes egocentrics. Think of and help others. Be interested in what they have to say. You never learn something new when you’re talking, only when you listen. Try to understand. Judge and gossip less. Let people be. They’ll find out for themselves if they’re in the wrong.

2019, don’t look away. Intervene and react when you see something that’s wrong. Fight for what is right. Never allow yourself to accept something just because it has always been this way. Respect and tolerance are the only way. You have rights, but so do others. You don’t stand above anyone. Don’t ever feel entitled.

Don’t live in the past, it’s not coming back. New things happen and there’s a reason for that. 2019 find out what that reason is. Try to make sense of it. Try to find purpose. Wake up everyday and work towards a future that works for you, not against you. You decide where you’re going. Every decision you take shapes your path. Be conscient when you’re taking decisions, but do not turn away from risks. Risks are to life what seasoning is to cooking. Without them, both would be boring.

Trust your body, it will know what’s best for you. Eat and rest well. It’s nice to have some cash but don’t let it define you. You’re much more than your bank account. Don’t focus on what others have. Don’t judge people based on how much money they have. Spend your money as you wish. Treat yourself. Worry more about how you spend your time than your money. Money comes and goes- time just goes.

2019 can be a good year but we’ve all got work to do. We have to work on our attitudes, on our habitudes and on the way we treat one another. We shine bright not by killing the light of others but by merging theirs with ours.

Happy New Year

CK

Something Special About Us

I’m not sure if that’s what every generation says about themselves but I have a feeling that we’re doing much better than is expected from us.

When I look around I see young women not tolerating any bullshit from any man anymore. I see activists, people who want to be part of the country’s politics to be able to change something. To fix what others messed up. I see artists. Singers. Songwriters. DJs. Producers. Dancers.

I see young people having startups before they’ve finished high school. People who refuse nine-to-five jobs. People finding ways to make money with what they love. People learning from their mistakes and those of others. I see people no longer caring about what others think about them. People daring to be who they are. I see more uniqueness. More openness towards individuality.

But most importantly, I see a generation in which people have become aware of how important it is to take care of themselves and the people around them. We have started to reach out for one another. Started to accept mistakes. Started to accept that perfection isn’t an option. We have made ourselves a priority.

Now, how does that make us any better than any generation before us? I believe that the support and love I see around me is real. I see honest and critical minds. Less followers and more pioneers. I see refusal. Refusal to accept bad things. Refusal to accept that bad things must remain because “that’s the way it has always been”.

I see people who are no longer afraid of change. People who seek change. People who understand the necessity of change. And the necessity of faith and courage. The necessity to stand up for their rights. To stand up for those who can’t.

One of the truest tests of integrity is its blunt refusal to be compromised.

-Chinua Achebe

Be proud of who you are!! Please let us not be compromised when we can be so much more…

Invent yourself, CK

Forgiveness

Should you forgive people who have wronged you?

I believe that, while forgiving others can be both a gesture of your own greatness and stupidity (fool me once…), more thought should be attributed to the forgiveness of yourself. We all walk down our own path of life and sooner or later you are going to take decisions that will change your life for the better or the worse. Let’s focus on these decisions that’ll turn out to be bad. You’re going to look back one day and realize that what you did was wrong.

And you’ll realize that you can’t take back words you said, nor can you undo the things you did. You don’t get to press restart. Maybe you’ve hurt somebody. And you feel regret and you’d do anything to go back to that particular day. Because it’s all you think about and you want to show that what you did was a mistake, you want to show the world and yourself that this mistake is not who you are, prove that you’re not a bad person.

But as appealing as it is, that’s not how things work. You ruin your inner peace because you won’t stop thinking about that one mistake and you start judging yourself. Because you don’t let go of the past. Because you don’t forgive yourself. Because you do not accept that you’re flawed. You do not want to accept that mistakes are part of life.

But a mistake is a mistake and it will still be a mistake in 20 years. You can spend the rest of your life looking back at that moment, accusing yourself. Or you choose to forgive yourself and let the past be in the past. Let yourself be human. Because forgiving yourself does not mean that you ignore what you did. It does not mean that you choose to delete part of your past. It merely means you’re ready to accept imperfection.

Make the mistakes work for you, let them teach you to become a better you.


“The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.” -Rafiki (The Lion King)

Invent yourself, CK

When it Rains it Pours

Update: the most important thing I’ve learned from living on my own is that I do not want to live alone again. Ever.

I do not intend this to become a blog about myself, as in me writing about the random stuff that happens in my life that no one cares about anyway, I just want you to know why I’m writing what I’m writing.

I dropped out of university 2 weeks ago for multiple reasons, the main one being that I felt like my mind was going crazy. Now I’m back in Luxembourg, constantly wondering if I overreacted and if I should have given it more thought, maybe after some time I would have liked it. I’ll never know.

But here’s what I want to say and what I believe.

There is literally nothing on this earth that matters more than your mental health. Nothing. No money, no friends. No school or workplace.

If you suffer, and think that you won’t ever be able to sleep again because your mind won’t stop producing the weirdest stuff, you’ve got to do something.

When I came back last week, I was lucky enough to talk to a friend who had dropped out a few weeks before me. When I found out that he was having the same thoughts, the same feeling of panic, the same uncertainty, I felt much better because it showed me that I wasn’t alone.

My point is that first of all, you are allowed to feel bad and depressed and worry about your future. You are allowed (and encouraged) to annoy your people with any worries you have. It sounds like some lame Tumblr post but talking is the most effective medicine. If you feel like you need help, get help. You were born alone and you’ll die alone, but in between, you don’t have to be lonely.

Second of all, do not forget that we are still young. And when you’re young you underestimate your own strength and overestimate every mishap in your life. Every bad thing always seems like it’s the end of the world.  It often seems like life will never be good again, and everything and everyone is going against you. You feel betrayed by life, because your mind no longer takes into consideration how lucky you are to be alive.

But you are, and life will pay you back for all the suffering you had to go through. It won’t rain forever. Try to remind yourself of all the good things in your life, they are there. Try to remind yourself everyday of all the things you are grateful for. And the bad things will eventually fade. Promise.

The average age of death in Luxembourg is 81. We have spent less than 1 quarter of our lives. Do not expect yourself to have it all figured out. Hang in there.

Invent yourself, CK

Listening or waiting to speak?

A lot of people do not actually listen to what you have to say, they’re just waiting for you to finish so that they can start talking again. Most of the time, they have no intention to react to what you said. They’ll come up with something similar that happened to them. They don’t care about your story and will try to overplay you with their story.

But this is not how a conversation works, if you don’t want to hear what others have to say and only care about yourself, do not start a conversation. It’s really exhausting and frustrating for the other person as they will notice that what they say is of no worth for you and is not taken into account and will just let you speak, hoping that they can flee the conversation as soon as possible. Moreover they’ll probably start to avoid you.

It might take some time, but eventually everyone’s gonna know that talking to you is not something to look forward to and they won’t try to start a conversation. That will be the moment you’ll have to change your point of view about how a conversation works. I had a friend that wouldn’t let me give the chance to react, let alone tell something of my own. Once I realized that she wasn’t interested in what I had to say I swore myself that I wouldn’t spend time with her alone anymore.

I think that the most important thing to keep up a conversation is not having an interesting story on your mind. The most important thing is to listen what the other person has to say and react to it. It’s also the most difficult part of keeping a conversation alive, since we all think our stories are really interesting and everyone wants to hear them.

It might sound really paradoxical because I just said that I didn’t like talking to that friend because she wouldn’t stop speaking, yet I say it is more important to listen than to speak; but there’s a difference between carrying on a conversation and holding a monologue. If I wanted to listen to someone for hours without being able to speak, I’d go and listen to a politician.

A conversation is not a monologue.

Invent yourself,CK

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply – Stephen R. Covey