Neglected Qualities

 

Many people give up on goals, on diets, on careers, on ideas and ideals. Why? They don’t allow for instant results.

A big problem we have today is that many people do no longer feel the need to learn the trait of patience. Things have to be accessible at once. If they aren’t, they are forgotten about. Sadly, most things that are instantly accessible, are not worth it. Patience and consistency however are crucial for anyone to reach something of worth. But in today’s world, we’re no longer taught to fight for what we want. We want to be rewarded for everything we do, we don’t like to wait and would rather not have something at all than having it later. We seek instant gratification. We’re growing up with the feeling that we do not have enough time and anything that doesn’t show results right away, never will. Yet the many things that are worth achieving; those goals you would be proud to have reached demand steadiness and discipline. But these are qualities you have to master on your own, no one can and no one will do it for you.

Another problem is that we seem to have adapted a mentality that prevents us from being appreciative of what we have. Rather, we’re always looking out for more, for bigger, for better. We don’t allow ourselves to just be happy with what we have. It always has to be more. No doubt, this way of living can be a way of reaching more. A way of finding out how far you can go.

But it also rules out self-appreciation, gratitude and recognition. It rules out the possibility of having a good life. Because as I see it, there is no definition of a good life that suits everyone. It is whatever you want it to be. Yet there are people who think of themselves as worthy of defining what a good life is, thereby presenting a certain image of what it is supposed to be. People, who have yet to figure out what a good life is to them, who have yet to realize that they are the only ones who are worthy of assessing their lives, will follow this path, striving for a life they do not want. And eventually, they’ll realize just how much time they wasted going through life with their eyes closed to the things that genuinely matter to them.

You can obviously live your life trying to have more and be more. Or you stop and take a breath. Think about how much you have reached, how many bad days you’ve gone through, how many true friends you’ve found, how much love you’ve felt.

Being grateful is hard for many people, but as I see it, you either learn this trait or you go through life blinded by the sparkling world of the more, the bigger, the better  and never see how much you already have. And one day you will die and you’ll not look back to all the good you have had but wish for just one more day on earth.

 

CK

Recall

I remember how when we started going to high school, it was all about becoming famous and being liked by everyone. Back when Instagram had only but launched and Facebook was still leading the social media empire. It was all about having more likes on your profile pictures than anyone else.

It was so stupid because once you had reached some kind of fame (which is ridiculous in itself because our population consists of about 3 people)  rumors started. We wanted to be who people talked about but we wanted people to have good opinions about us. Rumors, however are not usually positive and when we heard about how other people thought we were, all we wanted was being left alone.

Back then, Formspring was still a thing and for a year or so it was the hotspot for rumors. People answered questions about other people, spreading lies to restore their own image. Acting and reacting. We knew that lies about us were being told, yet when we heard something about someone else, we didn’t think twice, believed and passed it on.

I don’t know why  people feel the need to be known by everyone. It might just be some sort of transition phase, part of growing up. I think that it’s the result of social pressure, that we put on ourselves. We think that we’re good people when others believe we are. We give others too much control over our self-esteem and self-evaluation. We fear to lose our individuality and want to stand out, have something that others want, do something others can’t.

Now, looking back to this period, I feel like I spent too much time comparing myself to others. While I enjoyed growing up in this society( and still do), I think I could’ve been happier if this comparison hadn’t taken place to this extent.

Uniqueness is wealth. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not other people.

Invent yourself, CK


“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

the enemy

Life is made of obstacles and conflicts with people who want to see you go down. Yet, the final enemy will always be you. No one knows your weaknesses better,no one knows how to harm you better, no one stands closer to yourself. The relation with your inner self is the one you need to focus on most.

It’s all about the mindset, you will always find enemies around you, there will always be people who want to do better than you, who want to see you struggle. This is why it is important that you choose not to add another enemy to this group. You can either be the one stopping you from ever getting where you want to be or you can use the energy you’re wasting on smashing and destroying your self-confidence, to create the strongest version of yourself.

Nothing will throw you off track, because you don’t blame yourself anymore. It’s one thing to be self-critical, it’s another to bash yourself for every little mistake you make. Self-sabotage destroys any feeling of self-worth.

Inner conflicts can be devastating, they will keep you from progressing and you’ll always worry about other people thinking you’re not good enough, since you don’t accept that you’re flawed, that you’re human. People who see that you enjoy being you will react to it and treat you like you treat yourself. Before respecting other people, respect yourself.

If you go through life fighting yourself, worrying about your ability or about how other people perceive what you do and who you are, you can never reach what you could reach. It’s a way of wasting your potential. No one will believe in you if you don’t show them how. You are the only person who will always be by your side.  Think of it as a second person, who’s able to gild every other voice around you. Now imagine it goofing on you for every decision you take…

If you let it, it can be your worst enemy, an enemy you can’t get rid of, who will follow you to your deathbed. Or it can be your greatest supporter, who stands by you whenever.


Make sure your worst enemy doesn’t live between your own two ears.- Laird Hamilton

Invent yourself,CK

To the woman of my life

People say the most important thing in our lives is finding someone who’ll make us forget all worries in the world. But the only person in the world able to make you feel better by a simple hug is your mother. There’s just nothing like it. The love from a mother is irreplaceable and unique.

We often forget how much our mothers had to give up to enable us the life they think we deserve.They pretty much had to give up everything they had before. They do so much for us and all they expect is respect and love. A mother’s love is the only love that’ll never cease. Mothers are the first and last to love their child. The bond between mother and child is stronger than any other relationship, it’s all about unconditional love. She loves you before she has even seen you once.

Mothers understand when we’re sad, they just know when something is wrong. A loving mother never stops protecting her child. It’s not about age, she’ll do anything in her power to shield it even when she’ll need a walking stick and has grey hair.

Children are the most important things in a mother’s life. If you can, show your mother how much she means to you. Don’t take the person that made you who you are today for granted. They don’t expect much. They just want love.

Thank you for making me who I am today, thank you for going through my ups and downs  without losing hope. Thank you for teaching me how to get through tough times and how to cope with them. Thank you for comforting me. Thank you for always being there for me and thank you for giving me advice when I need it. Thank you for showing me that family is the most important thing in life. Thank you for being who you are. I hope you never lose faith.

“A mother loves her children unconditionally. However they wrong her, she’ll carry on loving them.”
― Alaa Al Aswany

Happy birthday Mum

CK

The past is a candle at great distance: too close to let you quit, too far to comfort you.-Amy Bloom

      About Nostalgia

If I had to select the worst kind suffering I have felt, it’d be nostalgia. There’s nothing quite like it. Once you’ve opened the door to look back and dwell in memories, it’s really hard to get out of this room full of memories, reminding you of better times.

Worst thing about nostalgia is, there’s no way to prevent it. Most often it’s a protective mechanism, trying to prevent suffering due to a current situation.

Seemingly irrelevant things,like smells, pictures or songs can be door openers to this memory chamber, that you won’t want to ever leave. You’ll look for hiding places between passed moments of joy and happiness and you’ll feel good, at least for a little moment, which is why you’ll have a hard time making it out of this room full of comfort.

Sooner or later you’ll have to come to terms with the fact that you can’t live your life looking back, nor is it possible to live your life backwards. This is why it is important to realize that when you feel nostalgic, it’s the result of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Nostalgia is nothing else than a sign to get up and change your current life situation. Make it your goal to feel nostalgic on the following day and you’ll never have to endure this kind of suffering another day in your life .

Nostalgia is an illness for those who haven’t realized that today is tomorrow’s nostalgia.-  Zeena Schreck

A life spent in memories is a wasted life. A life spent in memories is a life spent in lies. Memories are never exact copies of reality, they show us what we want to see. The room filled with memories is an idealized version of our past.

Get out of that room.

Invent yourself,CK

Lost sight

We live in a world in which it has become important to identify friends in memes and laugh about the Donald Trumps and Kim Kardashians in the world, while we never question the consequences of letting this kind of people have so much influence on our lives.

Viral trends and memes, that are ‘so us’ have taken a place in all of our lives, it’s no more a pastime, it has become an everyday-thing. And while we’re laughing about vines (r.i.p) and the American presidential election, we’re losing track of what’s actually happening around us. We’re staring at our phones, blending out our surroundings and pretend we’re informed about the world, since we read another badly written , uninformed post on Facebook.

We lose so much time, looking through our timelines on social media and ignore the real world, we live in a digital world and come out only  to eat (while publishing photos of what we’re eating of course) and for school, where we still use every free minute to check what’s happening online, meaning that the only time we’re ever not online is while we sleep.

We scroll through timelines and aren’t even interested in most of the posts we see. Why do we still insist on looking at our phones all the time? We’re addicted to being informed, which wouldn’t be a bad thing if that information were of any worth. But most of the time we’re shown altogether uninteresting and boring posts.

We walk through life looking down on our phones. We want to be kept entertained, thinking life around us is unable to do so. We’re losing the ability to live without our phones. When was the last time you didn’t use your phone for a whole day?

I don’t want to defend this lifestyle, yet it’s evident that the governments want us to do just that, because as long as we’re laughing at silly memes, we’re not questioning their politics. We believe we are informed when we’re numb to true information.

Invent yourself,CK

There’s a danger in the internet and social media. The notion that information is enough, that more and more information is enough, that you don’t have to think, you just have to get more information – gets very dangerous. – Edward de Bono

Happiness

Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on something? Some days, life seems to be standing still while running past us at the same time. We’re waiting for that day when everything will turn out great and we’ll  be happy. But having waited for that moment myself for quite some time, I’ve realized that we’re responsible for our own happiness. If you want something, go get it, it’s not going to come to you.

I don’t want to be one of these people who regret not having put enough effort into what they wanted when they were young. We are still young, we’ve still got the chance to turn our life into the life we want. We have to chase it with all we’ve got or we’ll end up unhappy. Now’s the moment to get what we want.

As we’re getting older, there are more and more responsibilities coming towards us, obstacles we have to overcome, problems we have to solve. Yet these are not supposed to stop us, that’s the universe’s way of testing our faith in ourselves and dreams. Don’t wait until you’ve reached that point in your life where your biggest dreams have to make space for responsibilities. I’ve said it before and I’m saying it again: life happens now.

Life can be hard, with school keeping us busy everyday and homework following ( I know this sounds like a first world problem and it probably is, I am very aware of the luck we have to be educated in one of the richest countries in Europe,but it’s a human trait to never be satisfied with what we have.) as well as daily tasks to finish, we risk to forget that there is more to life than this. What is our life worth if we don’t chase happiness?

I do not accept that going to bed everyday thinking about having to stand up early or about responsibilities that have to be fulfilled is all there is to life. There’s got to be more. But without a little faith in ourselves and the courage to generate happiness ourselves we’ll end up surviving instead of actually living.  Happiness is somewhere within us and it’s our duty to find it.

Invent yourself, CK

Happiness depends upon ourselves. – Aristotle

To be or not to be

William Shakespeare, The Tragicall Historie of Hamlet

We are all trying to invent ourselves, to find out who we really are and be happy with who we are. Being an adolescent is a full-time job; as soon as you think that you’ve finally found out who you are, your brain feels bored and makes you reconsider your lifestyle.

You can never be sure about whether you’ll  stick to what you said or did. Your opinion changes as often as the hair color of any middle-aged woman, meaning  about every second week. (I would know,trust me)

The more convinced you are that you’ve finally found what makes you truly happy, the more likely it’s not. How often have you listened to a song of an until then unknown artist and thought that it would be your lifetime-song? I guess we all remember Donald Trump by Mac Miller. Haven’t heard this song since Rock-a-field 2012. My taste in music has since then changed at least 10 times,going from Dubstep to HipHop to Rap to the more commercial songs and back every 2 months.

But this is not necessarily a bad thing. Change is important and builds character. This is also why our surroundings do not stay the same. Where we tend to think that we did something wrong when looking back and realize we lost people we thought would stay a lifetime, we should accept the fact that we change; and so do other people.

A great percentage of our discomfort is based on other people, on so called friends we trust and think we can depend on as well as on people we consider enemies .I’m sure that most of you have had friends, whom you don’t even talk to anymore, whom you don’t even greet when you see them. But who’s to blame?  Is there even someone to blame or is it just part of growing up? We tend to forget that although we shouldn’t, we rely on other people. This is why our happiness as well as our sadness does not only depend on the way we think. I mean you can still try and be positive about everything that happens but from time to time, there is this abyss we fall in and think we can never get out of. And really often it’s linked to enemies, friends or lovers.

We’ll figure it all out, and we’ll find out who we really are. Trust the universe, it will work out.

This is why I’m starting this blog.  I’m gonna try to free myself by writing and I invite you to follow me on this journey.

 

Invent yourself, CK


 

This above all: to thine own self be true